If you want to maintain a good relationship with your love, avoid at all costs the following 'sins' that can damage it deeply.
For Stacy Kaiser, psychotherapist, human relations expert and author of "How to be an Adult ", All the problematic couple are summarized in eight actions.
" Toda couple relationship important or long term, covers hundreds of problems, some superficial and easy detection, and others deeply hidden and never expressed out loud, "he says in a USA Today article.
" Even in the second case, for me as a specialist it is easy to see, when spending time with a partner, who may have fallen into one of the great problems of relationships and seems unable to find the way out, "he says.
Sin 1: Do not talk about what you dislike
The first of the eight" sins "of the relationship as a couple is to cover the anger under the carpet.
"Many issues are ignored, overlooked or buried by the daily bustle of work, the difficult upbringing of children that leaves no time for conversation or because a spouse fears to confrontation, "says Kaiser.
" However, putting aside the problems only causes a large pile of them to accumulate ... and with that you will stumble later. You can only get around that critical pile for a while, because at some point one of you or both of you will explode. "
She advises couples that when they keep thinking about their relationship or spouse and upset them , evaluate if it is important or not. If it is a small matter, you have to leave it with someone.
"If it's important, you have to find time to address it immediately and in a calm manner. Do not wait until the months or years of suppressed anger finally explode. You have to deal with the conflict when it occurs, "he recommends.
Sin 2: Do not listen to the other
A common complaint that specialists hear when treating couples is that their spouse does not listen to them.
You have to go back to when you were dating: Do you remember when every word that came out of your boyfriend's mouth was fascinating? Do you remember how you were dying to call to listen to what I thought about anything?
Are you distracted by the house, children or work?
Did you get bored listening to your partner complain forever about work without doing anything about it and you disconnect?
Once you understand why one or the other is no longer listening, you can delve into deeper problems.
However, any problem will be almost impossible to fix unless both parties pay attention
Sin 3: Maintain unreasonable expectations
Unreasonable expectations are exactly that, unreasonable. And they can occur at almost any point in a relationship.
Many men and women have them over the institution of marriage, and quickly become disillusioned with the spouse once they are married.
That goes double in relation to parenting of children, when lack of sleep, stress and economic pressure cause conflicts in almost all couples in the world.
The list of areas where people have unrealistic expectations is endless: what their partner should look like, what job I should have, how much money I should earn, and so on.
When I talk to couples, I encourage each person to tell me what they want or expect in certain areas of conflict that are especially hot; then we can examine if the expectations are reasonable or not, or even if they are possible to achieve.
Sin 4: Blame the other
Refusing to accept their part in the deterioration of any relationship, usually manifested through the casting blame or finger pointing.
Very few people enjoy apologizing and admitting that they could have done things differently.
However, for some extremely defensive people, that is not only difficult, it is impossible.
For some reason (their childhood, a previous relationship where they felt powerless or pride) some men and women simply can not admit that maybe they have contributed to the problems in the relationship.
They all turn around: "He was the one who started! "," I did not act wrong, it was she who failed! "... They always keep track of each other's faults and, obviously, the fault is never theirs.
In these cases you have to try to prove to the spouse and hypervigilant that is about saving the relationship, not keeping track, and that no one is perfect or needs to be.
Sin 5: Living in the past
We must talk about what is happening now.
] Bringing up issues or problems from the past -one time- can be useful in establishing a relationship history.
Repeatedly complaining about past events only dilutes the current problem, leaving the another person tired, overwhelmed and willing to stop paying attention to the current complaint.
Sin 6: Lack of respect
A very popular premarital study years ago showed conclusively that disrespect destroys the relationship.
Most relationships that I see that end in a break have this element.
You can learn strategies for better and more dynamic communication, but the real question is: why marry someone you do not Are you going to respect yourself?
You can use tools or learn new techniques to increase the level of respect with your spouse. Treat your partner as you like to be treated and keep your feelings and thoughts in high esteem.
Sin 7: Have mistrust
The foundation for every solid relationship is based on trust. In relationships, there is nothing like honesty.
That means being honest about what you think, what you feel and what you do.
Unfortunately, some of us grew up in homes where trust between parents was fractured and this childhood story can lead us to a similar path in the couple relationship.
Sin 8: Being selfish
If you need the world to revolve around you, then maybe you should live alone and leave with the biggest number of people you can or hire a team of people to meet all your needs.
Relationships have to do with giving and receiving. You should want your spouse to be as happy and happy as you are.
It's natural that you want things your way: your birthday party, a vacation or a particular meal, to say.
But if you do not ask your spouse what he wants and what he needs, and you do not strive to provide many of those things, then conflict, resentment and the likelihood that he does not want to strive to give you what you want and need.
Source: http://www.laopinion.com/consejos_buena_relacion_pareja_pecados_evitar_fotos
Photo: http://esoterismos.com/sonar-con-peleas/