Various studies have tried to determine what happy couples do compared to those that fail. But finally, they can be summarized in one concept: focus on the other.
When it comes to relating to other human beings, we almost always think that we are doing well. After all, it's one of those instinctive things we've been doing all our lives. To such an extent we are convinced of our capacity, that we usually assign problems in family relationships, of work, of friendship or of couple, to problems in the personality of the other. Very rarely do we realize how much our own way of doing things impacts in the relationships we have. And even more, how much does everything that we fail to do impact?
Well, in no other context is this as clear, as in the life of a couple . After all, it is about living the rest of our lives with the same person, seeing it every day and going through it successes and failures, joys and frustrations. It is not surprising, then, that the search for the "perfect formula" to achieve a happy and lasting relationship, has accompanied all human history.
Science enters the debate
The main conclusion is that the determining factor in the happiness of a couple is their level of FRIENDSHIP . This factor, by itself, influences 70% in the quality of sex, romance and passion of a marriage. In addition, it was verified that, as expected, happy couples have more positive interactions than negative ones (5 to 1), unlike couples that end in divorce, where the ratio is 0.8 to 1. And it's not about quality, also about quantity: on average, successful couples spend 5 more hours a week together and talking.
How do happy couples do it?
1. They communicate
The cornerstone of every human relationship is communication. And by communication, we are not referring to the incessant monologue that characterizes many couples, where a part (usually the woman) speaks all day while the man pretends to listen while watching football.
Communicating implies so much or more the capacity to listen, than to speak . That means that, for example, before starting to narrate their horrible day, the couple pauses to hug their partner, kiss her and ask her how he was.
It implies being interested in what your partner is telling you and try to understand why he is saying it, what is he trying to say to you, not only explicitly, but implicitly. And then, corroborate if what you understood is correct because it is very easy to believe that they are criticizing us when in truth they are asking us for help. Therefore, it is a good idea to ask your partner if what you understood is what I really wanted to tell you.
2. They face problems in time
Very much in line with the above, strong couples do not keep problems and frustrations or wait for life to become unbearable before addressing their problems. On the contrary, they tend to communicate them as soon as they occur. They let their partner know that there is something that is affecting them.
But also, they do it in a healthy way without criticism, attacks or ironies. On the contrary, they express what they feel and are open to listen, to talk and to give in. "This affected me because I felt ..."
Finally, do not hold a grudge either . They understand that their partner is human and that, no matter how much they hurt something they did or said during a time of stress or fatigue, they did not really want to hurt them. If you are surprised by looking for an opportunity to get revenge on your partner for something he did, seriously question yourself if you are facing your relationship with maturity.
3. They express affection ... All the time!
For men it is particularly difficult to understand why their women constantly ask them "Do you love me?". Well guys, the reason is very simple: because you're not saying it enough. Just as a plant requires frequent watering, in a couple relationship it is not enough to say "I love you" and do something romantic on the anniversary, and then forget about it for the rest of the year.
Healthy couples All kinds of gestures of affection are expressed frequently: They say "I love you" almost compulsively, they flirt, they say flattery, they give things away, they surprise their partners with small acts of affection (prepare a meal or wash dishes when it was not his turn.)
In short, they strive to make their partner feel good, to feel happy and loved. When was the last time you told your partner that he looks spectacular?
4. They support and empower each other
In good times and in bad, healthy couples help each other grow .
When one feels sad or defeated, the other motivates them. When one undertakes a new challenge, the other supports, accompanies and shows admiration. And when he finally gets a great achievement (or even a small one), the other gets excited, congratulates him, tells him how much he admires him and asks him to tell everything that happened.
Needless to say, they also help each other the s mundane things how to divide household chores or rely on the care of children.
It is not uncommon for happy couples to usually talk about "how much they have changed and improved" in the other's company. Do you feel that you have improved with your partner?
5. They know how to give
You do not always get everything you want. A relationship in which only one member must permanently give in to what the other wants, is not a healthy relationship. Both must grant something: if they saw the movie you wanted, they will eat the snacks that the other prefers and like that.
6. They spend time - and adventures - together
Healthy couples know that their relationship is a priority, no matter how busy they are. Therefore, they will do the impossible for to clear time to be together.
Also, to avoid monotony, they will look for activities that they can do together : dance or cooking classes, outings to eating in new places, traveling, going for a walk, going to a concert.
7. They give space and are not jealous
Remember that we compare a relationship with a plant? Well, just as a plant dries if it is not given enough water, it also dies if we put too much water on it.
Even if they are happy together, they are not completely dependent on each other, nor do they demand permanent company, after of everything there is no better recipe to hate someone than to be with him at all times.
For the same reason, if one wants to explore a passion that the other does not share, go out with his friends, or simply sit and read silently, the other will take advantage of that opportunity to enjoy his own personal passions.
8. They laugh together
It is my impression that the best indicator that a relationship will be successful is that both are able to laugh together about the things that happen to them. It is not that they have to be particularly sparkling or witty, but that they can take problems with humor have some internal jokes that no one else understands, share anecdotes, feel that the other makes them happy. [19659014] 9. They know how to confront a difference of opinion
Even happy couples argue and fight occasionally, but that is where the main differences with dysfunctional couples are appreciated.
In a healthy relationship, the couple seeks to focus the discussion on the particular problem, rather than focusing on the other . Therefore, they never use the verb "to be" ("you are selfish"), but they express the problem as a specific situation ("I felt you did not take me into account").
Also, they seek to reduce the tensed n during the discussion, showing humor (though not ridicule), expressing affection and giving in at certain points. "Okay, that's true, but also take into account that ..." and, of course, listening to what the other says .
On the other hand, in dysfunctional couples there are many criticisms, aggression, contempt, defensive attitudes, insults and, even worse, simply disregarding the discussion.
10. In bed ...
Many tend to focus on sex the happiness of a couple, but as we have seen, there are many more factors that affect it. In fact, if the couple does all the things indicated above, the final result almost inevitable, will be to go to bed.
The infographic focuses on the amount of sex (recommended to do it 3 times a week , although it indicates that once it already generates an increase in the satisfaction of the couple), but the quality thereof is equally or more important . Prepare the environment and help each other expressing what is sought, is the recipe for a sentimental and sexually satisfying relationship. But that, happy couples already know ...
Source: http://www.eldefinido.cl/actualidad/mundo/1837/Estas_son_las_claves_de_las_parejas_felices/
Foto: http: / /blog.datingchile.cl/7-reglas-para-ser-feliz-en-pareja/