All marriages have fights and these can arise at any time. The fundamental thing is to learn to pass them in a way that does not threaten your relationship. No matter how long you are married, there are simple and basic rules to go the way. Putting them into practice is not always easy, but it is vital. If you follow them, you will strengthen your bond ... and you will see that the good things -fun, sex, trust, affection- will be better than ever.
1-Find a balance
Boredom, frustration and daily friction can extinguish the flame of love. To feed it, focus on the good things. How to achieve it: First, keep in mind that you need up to 20 positive comments to counteract the damage done by a negative one (or by a cold look or a gesture of impatience). So use more the first and less the second. Flatter your husband's new shirt, thank his help at home, take the car to the mechanic. Make eye contact when you smile or say something nice, and try to accompany it with a sound of joy (for example, a sigh of satisfaction).
2-Keep closeness
Human touch releases endorphins, which make you feel good to the one who gives and the one who receives. So take your hands more often. He caresses his cheek when you say good morning. Relive the way they played at the beginning of the relationship: give him a kiss behind the ear, run his hand through his hair.
Keep his secrets, even though everyone in the office counts those of his partners.
Hagan the commitment to talk 30 minutes a day about their daily plans, goals and dreams. It is not worth talking about things in the house or their relationship. It's about building a friendship. Studies show that being friends has rewards, because it ensures a more loving and sensual union. And do not forget to find time for privacy, even if you have to write it down in your agenda. Schedule sex? If necessary, yes. Being spontaneous is fabulous, but it is not always possible.
3-Remember: no one is perfect
It is tempting to blame the spouse when you feel angry, disappointed, bored or pressured, and it is easy to believe that your partner must be transformed to to improve things.
Be careful: trying to change the other will put you on the defensive and you will become the bad one in the movie. The result? Nobody will change, nobody will assume their responsibility, everyone will be unhappy. And blaming your spouse means ignoring 90 percent of the good that you have.
Every day of this month, choose something you like about him: "My husband is considered or" My husband makes me laugh "and think of specific facts that support him: "He washed my car yesterday" or "If I'm sad, he encourages me with his good humor."
4-Keep the spark of your relationship
You used to worry a lot about your hair and for looking for the most sensual garment to attract your partner's attention, and now you settle for old pants and a faded T-shirt to sleep on. It's time to improve your appearance. Comb that hair, brush your teeth and buy a new coat. Feeling comfortable with your appearance will be noticed in your eyes. It is more likely that you make eye contact, and that will ignite the spark in your spouse. And you know what to do next!
5-Always fight clean
The first thing is to get away from criticism, confrontation and hostility, which only add fuel to the fire. Researchers at the University of California who studied 79 couples for more than a decade found that those who divorced soon fought long and scandalously, and were always on the defensive or ready to attack. On the contrary, happy couples avoid verbalizing critical thoughts, prevent arguments from getting out of control, and do not use words like "never" and "always". If you have a fight, change the subject, inject a little humor at the moment, show your spouse empathy or give him a special affectionate gesture. If it's too late for this, ask for a truce, get away and try to calm down.
6-Choose the best time and place
Do not start a conversation that can turn into a discussion when they are tired or hungry. Never try to discuss important marital issues if you are busy with something else. Turn off the television or computer, pick up the phone and close the book. If you are distracted or about to leave, choose another time to talk. Conflicts are not resolved by running.
Studies show that children develop better (and learn to get along with others) when their parents resolve conflicts constructively; but they develop insecurities and behavior problems if they go through screaming.
7-Listen
The best thing to maintain a solid marriage is to talk less and listen more. Blame, insults and fights only lead to a bad ending or, at least, to a living hell. If a talk becomes a discussion, do not interrupt, offer a solution. The feelings on the surface of the skin need to be exposed. Seat your head, restate what your partner expresses or say a soft "aha" to show that you take into account the emotions behind the words. Sometimes, all we need to feel closer to someone is to pay more attention to what he says.
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