The psychologist and best-selling author Walter Riso in his book "I already said goodbye, now how I forget you" he gives you recommendations to stop thinking about your ex and suffer for him.
In this guide you can discover how much toxic friends can influence you to stay hooked to the past, or that resorting to dignity is the best recommendation to overcome grief and if you want to prepare yourself to enjoy love, start with fall in love with yourself. " If you do not love yourself, you will not set limits, you will feel less than your partner. You will not understand that intelligent love is back and forth. Without love reciprocity ceases to be democratic, "suggests Walter Riso.
Good love according to Walter Riso is defined by three factors:
Having sex: Sexual enjoyment is what unites most.
Be best friends: If there is good communication between them, they share common life projects and a sense of humor, they will feel that they are best friends.
Take care of each other: If your pain hurts you and your joy makes you happy, you are loving in depth and, if you feel that they also love you that way, you are in a good relationship.
factors, Riso explains that "each couple defines their proportion, but there should always be Eros. To be able to wish your partner and enjoy it sexually, without excuses or prejudices. Besides that there is friendship and tenderness, if you want to have a good relationship. I speak of proportion and not of absence of any of the three factors that I mentioned. "
In his opinion, even the best relationships may end. Maybe because we do not take care of it, or maybe because those three premises stopped being real. When they did not attack your dignity and your partner wants and really loves you can fight between the two, explains Riso.
On the contrary, he adds if the relationship has been bad and harmful sometimes It is not so hard to forget. "But many people create ties based on attachment, are afraid to stay affectively alone or generate a low self-esteem and believe that no one else will ever love them. With these premises the separation becomes a major loss, a duel, "he says.
Asimsimo, suggests, if the other person does not want to fight" it is better to learn to lose. " Pack and go. "
To overcome this lack of love and forget your ex with all the dignity and love possible, he recommends:
Forget the fear of being alone. " They do not teach us to handle loneliness. We associate it with desolation, which is not the same. Desolation is the destruction of the other, of others. Loneliness is the space where you are with you, with your own being, and knowing how to handle it can be constructive. The desolation is emotional exile. If there is love it is a loss and therefore it has the connotations of mourning. As I said, if the relationship was a disaster, the duel does not fit; perhaps a celebration.
Something that can happen to you is that you want to look at the Facebook (or any other network) of your ex. Is it convenient or just the opposite? "We must cut off all relationships, including those of social networks, to which we can have immediate access. Watching Facebook sometimes is like putting your head in the lion's mouth. For example, if you find out how happy the other is, while you are suffering, or discover that he or she has a new partner and you are "happy". No. It is necessary to encourage computer "misinformation". The less you know about your ex, the better. "
How do you cure the lack of love? "One does not" heal "because he is not sick. One comes out afloat, reinvents, accepts, resolves, processes. The first stage is daze / denial, the second is longing / persecution, the third search for explanations, the fourth is anger / indignation, the fifth is guilt, the sixth sadness / depression and the last acceptance / growth. One "goes out", it is not "cured", because it is not a disease. "
What does it say about you that it costs you so much to forget your ex, are you too dependent? "Dependent, fear that they will not love you again, that you did not do things right, to stay alone or alone, to not accept reality, and so I could continue. But there is one main element: hope. The illusion that everything will start again beautifully, when the facts show that you should learn to lose and continue with everything. If I can not live without you, if you are everything to me, if you are more important than me as a person, if I bend over, I light you candles and I negotiate with my principles for love, then I do not have a partner, I have a master or a demigod "
Eye with toxic friends. "You will discover them because they are the ones that sink you instead of taking you out, they depress you, they put a finger on a sore without anesthesia, they point out your mistakes all the time, they do not put themselves in your place, they do not understand you so you explain it a hundred times. They seem to have pity or anger instead of affection. The good friend helps you. "
A nail pulls out another nail? " I think it is better to wait to be free internally, healed or healed, that there are no emotional burdens so that the new relationship can prosper. One nail does not bring out another, usually the two remain inside. "
Why do we like to punish ourselves and even suffer in love? Not true. People do not like to suffer for love. What usually happens is that they have a deficit in their way of loving and if they do not solve it they stumble over the same stone. But not because they want to, but because they can not find a healthy way.
What is the sign that you are on the right path in the path of forgetting? "That you do not know anything about her or him and do not despair, but that you continue with your life, so it hurts sometimes"
Finally, is it possible to be friends with your ex? "If there have been no deep wounds, no violation of rights and lack of love has been part and par, it may be possible. In my clinical experience, only 10% achieve it. It's not easy. "
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